I hate your face
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
