make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?