I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND