okay pat passed out under dana's car
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever