I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I feel great
I just peed on a car
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
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I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
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If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.