I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies