I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
a search helicopter?!
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.