She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
