You can't special order awesome
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie