i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
