i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
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