3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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