dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
