1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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