your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
