I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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