Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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