It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
