Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize