So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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