we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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