i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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