is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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