i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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