Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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