Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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