i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
