I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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