Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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