once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
