don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
