where am i from again
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
