she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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