she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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