Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
