it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
