There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
