I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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