you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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