My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
