so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
