Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The power of my boobs compel you
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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