just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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