I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
