If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Vodka?
Forever.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
