Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
