is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
