i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish you could order shots online.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
