I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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