Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
