as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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