How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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