Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
