I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
