dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
