Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
