my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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