i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
