i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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