well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
