when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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