Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Boobs speak an international language.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
