I should be sponsored by Trojan
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
