I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
