hotel room ftw
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
