Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
