you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
