i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize