at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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