Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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